I woke up for work this morning at 6 AM and decided to call in. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, but I also ate bad food last night and my stomach isn't treating me well, so I thought "what the heck".
It seems like I'm constantly busy. I'm either working or cleaning the apartment or taking care of Lylah or spending time with Joe. My mind doesn't stop racing, even when I sleep. So today is a Rylee day. Every day should be a Rylee day, but it seems like life's responsibilities sort of dictate what I can and cannot do within a day's time.
So, I woke up and put on a pot of coffee. I logged in to my school account and checked things out. And right now, I don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted. I've paid for classes I'm no longer interested in. My whole outlook on the college system isn't very positive. But I'm almost done with this semester and I've got good grades so far. Part of me says to just finish it and the other part says just forget it.
I think a big issue I'm having currently is the fact that I always do the "right" thing, otherwise known as what everyone else wants me to do. I'm so worried about being looked at as ignorant or naive or young and foolish that I do what every older adult tells me to in order to avoid criticism. I don't want to be looked down upon simply for choosing a path not everyone agrees with. That's always been a huge struggle in my life. I always do what others tell me to do in order to avoid feeling stupid. I'm really working on it, which is why I'm leaning more and more towards dropping out of school altogether. I'm doing it for me. It's something that only I want to do, while everyone is telling me to do the opposite. I need to learn to make my own decisions and be able to take advice but still end up doing what I want to do in the end.
I just don't know what to do right now. I'm feeling pretty lost.
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