I'm a little stressed. I mean, the whole reason to come out here was to just visit. But do I stay? Or do I come home? I've got enough money to contribute with food and bills for Brandon and Mikelle, but do I want to stay? Either way I'll need to find a job eventually. It's hard to really know where to go from here. I've got to constantly remind myself of the bigger picture. I'm on an adventure. Travel, work, go wherever you want and do whatever you want. I don't need to stay tied down to one place and for some reason my natural instinct is to try and plant myself somewhere solid again. I'm not sure why.
The other day I was reached out to by my great aunt after she had come upon my blog. She wrote me an email about the parallels in her life and mine and how similar life is for both of us at this stage of life, which I thought was interesting because I'm 20 and she's almost 80. She also wrote my mom an email, which I really appreciated. In one of the emails she says:
One would be tempted to say to the young. "You have lots of time girl. You'll get over it."
The old would say "No, she will never get over it." It has made her a different person. Maybe it is true that one does "forget" mostly, but it is the 'CLAW MARKS", as she says. .....but "claw" is a rather negative metaphor. Yes, something like that remains, but like a beautiful, meaningful tattoo, maybe they can remind one of the good in the growth that comes.
I think I sometimes forget to see the beauty in the journey. I'm so focused on the stress and responsibility of life that I don't stop to smell the roses. Whatever I chose to do, it'll be the right decision. It's growth and progression and as long as I don't feel "stuck", that's all that matters.
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