Uncomfortable

Hooooly crap. This weekend has been the strangest weekend I've ever had. FIRST, I went to sign up for this class and the woman had no idea what the hell she was doing so I gave up after 45 minutes and just walked out. SECOND, this old man yelled at me outside for not picking up Lylah's poop (and it wasn't even hers) THEN later he had his dog outside pooping and didn't pick it up. He then grabbed the laundry basket I was carrying and said, "If I wave at you, you wave at me." WHAT THE HELL?! LET GO OF MY LAUNDRY BASKET, YOU CRAZY OLD MAN!

THEN  I took Lylah out this morning to pee but as I did that this other dog was coming down the stairs and Lylah thinks she's super tough and likes to fight other dogs. So, naturally, I start pulling her back in. All of a sudden the owner of the other dog goes, "What the fuck! She's still pissing!".......................... What. The. Hell. Do I have a sign on my back asking to yell at me for no good reason? I feel so shaken up and nervous and vulnerable. I hate this terrible apartment in this terrible neighborhood.

I feel so weird that all I want to do is just cry and cry and cry. For some reason, though, it's really hard for me to cry. So I just feel all shaky and weird and uncomfortable.

Aside from having a fucked up weekend that I intended to be really self-improving and satisfying, I'm having a hard time with myself lately. When I'm alone I don't judge myself and I think that's why I like being alone most of the time. I've been more social lately and it's bringing to light all these things I find embarrassing or ugly about myself. I don't know how to accept who I am. I don't know if it's something I should change. I don't know anything. I'm struggling with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I just want to list all the things I hate about myself and light it on fire and then write all the things I like about myself and frame it. The only problem is I can only think of one or two things I like about myself at this point.

I also spoke with Joe for awhile. I miss him so much. We were so close. Nothing was embarrassing, nothing was a secret. He just listens to me and responds so well. It's so hard to just not go back to him.


This post is me rambling and trying not to freak the fuck out at all that's happened to me this weekend. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm so stressed. I need a big hug and for someone to tell me it's going to be okay.