Healing

The only two souls on the face of this earth that stop me dead in my tracks and remind me to breathe are my grandma and grandpa Nordell. I can't explain my love for them in words, or even actions. They are the definition of pure, unconditional love and joy.
So, I made the 4-5 hour drive to see them Saturday. The whole way down I felt shaky and uncomfortable. All I could see was Joe's face the night everything ended. My body ached and so did my mind. And then I got to my grandparent's house in the afternoon and I immediately felt better. My heart stopped racing and so did my thoughts. We laughed, talked, played games, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was exactly what I needed to heal my broken heart.

My grandma and I sat outside and had a chat about what had happened. It was the first time I've talked about it without it causing me pain. And on the way home I tried to hone in on where that pain had gone and how it left so suddenly. But first I started wondering why I felt any pain in the first place. Really and truly thinking back on the past two years, I struggled with happiness. I was overwhelmed and unsure and nervous and stressed out all the time. I never trusted Joe. Trust was the biggest issue in our relationship. Thinking about my life now I get excited instead of overwhelmed. And it's so refreshing. Why did it hurt so bad to let such a negative thing in my life go? Why didn't I accept what was happening and be grateful for the joys to come?

Thinking about what's happened, it still stings. I still can't wrap my head around the whole thing, but I'm better. I've healed a lot faster than I ever thought I would, and I owe a lot of it to my beautiful grandma. She's my biggest angel. I'm tearing up as I'm typing this now, but it's true. No one knows how to persevere more than she does, and she's taught me how to do so with kindness and gracefulness and I'm so, so thankful for that.

Love comes in many forms. Not just the kind you read about in a Nicholas Sparks book. It's all around. In a friend sending you a funny video, in a coworker telling you you're pretty, or in your grandma giving you a big hug. I'm feeling happier and more free than I think I ever have before, and I'm so excited for what the future has in store for me.