I've already got my face mask on and coconut oil in my hair and I'm snuggled into bed. It's only 8:40 but I feel so exhausted. I had a good weekend. I spent it with friends and then went up to my dad's house Saturday night. It's always good to see my dad. Like my grandparents, he's so positive and supportive of whatever the hell I'm doing with my life. He's the best man I know.
Still, this past week has brought on so much exhaustion and I'm not quite sure why. I'm a morning person. I love getting up when the rest of the world is still pressing snooze, but lately I've been one of those snooze people. I don't get out of bed until the last minute and throughout the day I'm struggling to stay engaged and awake. I think it might be the sadness creeping in.
Really the worst thing about being cheated on is how easy it is for the cheater to just turn the other way and keep going with their life like they didn't just destroy the person who remained faithful to them and loved them with all they could. I just can't wrap my head around it. I want him to feel some type of pain for the pain that's been inflicted on me, but I'm not getting that satisfaction. And really, typing it out just makes me sound like some terrible person for wanting someone I once loved to be just as miserable as me. But it's how I feel.
These past few days I've been really focused on loving myself as much as I loved Joe. Is that even possible? Can you adore the shit out of yourself? If so, I have no freaking idea of how to start. But I'm really, really trying to love myself. I think that would solve a lot of my problems.
Ahhh, anyway. I'm ok! Still hangin in there. Just sad a lot. And really tired of life in general.
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