Update Shmupdate

Moving on is so, so hard. Even when you're moving on to bigger and brighter things, it's still the hardest thing in the world. For some reason I picture it to be like the movies. It's painless and exciting with fun music playing in the background and a pretty girl sticking her hands out the window to feel the breeze. Unfortunately, it's not like that at all. It's filled with confusing emotions and ridiculous doubt. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my doubts about my decision to make a radical change in my lifestyle. If this is all I've ever known, how will I know something else will even succeed? It's scary.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, every single thing I pull away from has claw marks on it. I dig myself into people, places, and things because a sense of home is important to me. It's really one of the most important things I value. So it's hard when I realize that I'm not living my life the way I feel I should be living it, because it means I have to change what I'm doing and in order to do that I have to let go of a lot of people and a lot of things and a lot of places.

It's also difficult because, unlike the movies where you see the friends waving and chasing your car down the street, people's feelings are hurt. You're leaving them and moving on and it seems selfish. It's hard to remind yourself that you're not selfish. It's hard to remind yourself that, for the first time in your life, you're doing something for YOU. And that's okay. And it's healthy. It's hard not having approval and excitement from the ones you love, but it shows you who really has your best interest at heart and who doesn't. Still, it doesn't change the heartache you feel.

Life is so strange. There are no guidelines or rules or good advice. Each life is lived a little bit differently than the next. Your experiences and advice may not match up with what's going on in my life, so I'm left to figure it out alone. I'm excited, but I'm also extremely exhausted. This growing up/adult thing is friggen rough and I applaud you all who figured it out so early on.