Things have been rough the past two weeks for me. I don't feel settled. Things at work are going okay, and I love living with Autumn, but every other aspect of my life seems to make me squirm with an uncomfortable feeling. I feel very out of my place with where I'm at in life right now. It's hard to really put in to words, because if I were to explain my life to someone right now, I've got all that I need and I'm in the prime of my life, but something feels off. I feel like, once again, I've got no direction. I don't know where I'm going or where I'm even aiming to go... I feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel like life is trying to be like, "RYLEE! THIS ISN'T THE PATH YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON!", but it won't show me the direction to turn to jump back on to the right one. Does that even make sense?
I'm still super stressed about my family. The news keeps getting worse and it makes me sick to my stomach every day. My car's radiator shit out the other day and I had to drop $600 to fix it. The saying, "When it rains, it pours" is fucking real.
I keep trying to remind myself that in the depths of all this struggle, lessons are being learned that I'll one day be really thankful for. But it's pretty depressing to think that life is like this; that life will hold you down and drag you just to sometimes let you float to the top and say, "Aren't you thankful you're not down there anymore?" I just need a big hug from someone right now. I need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay even if it isn't. Life is rough sometimes.
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