Happiness

Yesterday was rough. I woke up feeling okay because it was my day off and I had just got my car fixed. But when I drove my car, it overheated again. Naturally, I felt defeated. I just spent $600 to fix it, and now I see it's actually not fixed. I don't have money to do any more repairs on it, so there's a lot of stress that comes along with it. After dealing with my car, I came in to find that my toilet was having plumbing problems. It was a pretty simple fix, but then I was left alone in my house with all my negative energy circulating around. For the most part, being alone is really difficult for me. It's difficult for me to enjoy life without sharing it with someone. I enjoy things more when I see someone else is enjoying it, too.  Don't get me wrong-- I LOVE my alone time. But I love it when I control when and where my alone time takes place. If I'm left alone and it's beyond my control, I kind of have a little internal tantrum. I didn't know what to do with myself yesterday. A lot of it was spent sulking and stressing and sitting on my phone, which didn't help the situation at all.

This morning I woke up feeling a little different. I woke up kind of worried that today would be like yesterday and that caused some panic, but I felt like today was going to be different despite my worries. I got up, expressed some things I'm thankful for in my head, turned on some music, and drank some coffee. I decided to once again delete the social media from my phone, and then I picked up a book my mom got me a while ago called, "Happiness" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddihst monk. This book is incredible. So far, it's talked a lot about focusing on counting your breathing when you sit, wake up, and walk around. It stops you from thinking about the past and the future and forces you to focus on the present moment. It's only been one day, but it's really helped me from having anxiety about my life. It's also made me realize that, despite the obstacles life throws at me, life is beautiful and it's a chance to live. Life isn't meant to be suffered through, it's meant to be enjoyed. Yeah, things aren't always going to go my way, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it anyway.

I'm doing better today. :)