Ready

Wow. What a crazy past few days I've had. Last week I wasn't feeling well. While I was laying in bed I was thinking about all the trials I've been through in my life so far. And then I started thinking about all the adventures I've had. Now, some might blend the trials and the adventures together, but I don't. And as I was laying there evaluating my life I realized that I could count more trials than adventures. I realized I was working just to work. I had no goals. I had no path. I was simply going through life without actually living. So in that moment I decided to make a radical change before my mind had a chance to convince me otherwise.

I'm selling my phone, most of my possessions, and I'm storing the rest for now. I strongly feel that life isn't made to be planned and drawn out. It's meant to simply be lived. I honestly can't say I know many people that are fully living their lives and I don't want to be one of those people anymore.

Really, a lot of what's driving this is my "disease to please" as my aunt calls it. I'm constantly looking after everyone else; making sure everyone is taken care of. I've gone my whole life doing what everyone else wants me to do and being the way everyone else wants me to be. I do it to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. I do it so that others feel like I relate to them. I do it so that I feel included. I could go on forever about why I strive to please every person I meet, but that would be a novel on it's own.

It's really hard to break ties from people you've been caring for. It's hard to move past all you've known. What makes it even more difficult is not having full support from the people you've always cared for and supported. It's an eye opener, really. It shows you who your true family and friends are. There's the ones who support you and love you and are proud of you for focusing on yourself, and then there's the others that only think, "Well what about me?" It's a harsh reality I've had to face, but I'm glad I'm facing it. It's way overdue.

So, my plan over the next few weeks is to sell what I can and pack the rest up. I'm saving up my money and heading out into the unknown. Who knows where it'll take me? And who cares? Life's meant to be lived, not endured. I'm ready to live it.